Why Conferences? (Or, How I Got My Editor and My Agent)

It’s conference season. Tons of workshops with authors, editors, agents. Panel discussions. Pitch sessions. As you receive glossy brochure after glossy brochure, you’re probably wondering, is it worth it? Why go to a conference at all? Well, here’s an article I wrote a few years back, and I’m including it here in the hopes that it might motivate you to step out of your house, and meet some editors and agents face to face.  Some seriously great things can come from it.

Why Conferences? (Or How I Got My Editor and My Agent)
by Marie Lamba

Take the time to network with others in the writing biz.

Okay, none of the following can help you if your manuscript isn’t ready. I mean completely free of errors, completely interesting, completely wonderful. But what if it truly is? How can you get on the speedy (and speedy is a relative term here) road to publication? In a word: conferences. Seriously. Here’s how it worked out for me.

First I applied and was accepted to the amazing One on One Conference held annually at Rutgers University (children’s writers only). If you are writing for children, this is the ultimate place to be. The editors and agents there know you have some semblance of talent to be able to get in, and they are extremely available to talk with you throughout the day. You are paired up with an author, an editor or an agent who works in your genre and you get to talk with them one on one for 45 unbelievable minutes. Then you get a 5 on 5 round table discussion with your match plus four other pairs. Plus there’s chatting with anyone you dare to over lunch. Plus there’s a keynote and a panel discussion. Absolute heaven.

I was paired up with the very kind Alvina Ling, editor at Little Brown. Not only did she enjoy my first few pages and ask to see the whole ms (yeah!), but she also asked if I was interested in finding an agent. She recommended a small handful of agents she especially respected that dealt in my genre, and said I was welcome to say that she had referred me. I’d say that was the best $75 dollars I’d ever spent, wouldn’t you?

You know how they say never email an agent a query, especially one who says on her website “no emailed queries?” Well, ha! I decided to be bold, and I found out that when your message line says “Recommended by (insert the name of the editor or top author here…only if they’ve actually recommended you, of course),” that they would in fact read your query immediately. And if all goes well, that agent will email you back in a matter of hours asking to see your whole manuscript. It went well. So I jumped the queue, saving myself about 3 months of waiting just to hear a response to my query. So far so good.

I’d like to say that the response to the manuscript was as fast. You know. The agent waits with baited breath, reads your manuscript overnight, gets back to you immediately. Well, that didn’t happen. So I figured if I didn’t hear back in the next week, or at least the next month, then I was toast. One month went by. Two months. Three. I sent a cheerful little note to check on its status. Three and half months went by.

Blah. So, time for another conference. This time I decide to attend the BEA Writer’s Digest Conference in New York. The agent I’d hoped to get would be there. Perhaps we could meet? I email her. She’s too busy. Still, I’m hopeful about the conference. I tell her I’ll try to get on her line for the one-minute pitch session to say hi. There seems to be a large number of children’s editors on the roster, and I hope to talk to lots of them. Surely not every attendee will be a children’s author, right?

To my relief I am right about this. The lines for the adult fiction editors and agents snake out the doors and through the corridors. People in those lines are lucky if they can see one of their choices. In the room featuring the children’s editors and agents, the lines only have about 20-25 people on them. I’ll get to talk to as many of these folks as I wish. I’m the first in line at the desk of Jim Thomas, Editorial Director at Random House Children’s Books. The format is rigid. The organizers ring a bell, and you race to a seat and give your pitch. After one minute, the bell rings again, and it’s time for the editor or agent to talk with you and ask questions. One minute later, the bell rings again and you have to evacuate the seat for the next person. The hope is that by the third bell you’ll have that person’s business card in hand with an invitation to mail your manuscript to them.

I had practiced my pitch ahead of time, driving my whole family nuts in the process. I felt ready. I even had my manuscript with me in my bag (something they tell you never to do…but still). So the bell rings, and I start my pitch and Jim reacts with shock and interest at the topic, and then, to my total surprise, asks if I could read the manuscript to him. (See? It’s a good thing I had it, right?) I fumble through some papers and yank the book out and start reading in a fast and steady pace. DING! Times up. Jim is smiling. “You see that person on the end? That’s Lisa Findlay. She works with me at Random House. Get on her line. I think she’ll like this.”

Wow! Another referral. So I jump onto Lisa’s line. Tell her Jim sent me. Pitch her the book and she hands me her business card asking me to mail sample chapters. Things are really going great here.

I get on the long line leading to Jennifer DeChiara, my sought after agent, and finally get my chance to chat with her. She seems tired but attentive, and I tell her she’s already got my book, but I just wanted to say hi. I discover that even though her website says she responds in 3 months to manuscripts, 6 months or even a year are more realistic dates. Good to know.

Flash forward several months. I haven’t heard from Jennifer DeChiara or Lisa Findlay. Sigh. That’s okay, right? I start working on a new book. I try not to think about it. BUT NOTHING SEEMS TO BE HAPPENING. Then something happens. It’s September and it’s like the publishing world has returned to work from a long long summer break. Lisa Findlay asks to see my entire novel, so I send it. Great!

Then I get an email from Jennifer DeChiara. Something to the effect of: I am reading your manuscript tonight. Okay. Is this one of those form emails or something? I try not to read too much into this.

Then, THE phone call comes. It’s Jennifer, in person, saying all these incredible things we writers only dare to tell ourselves in our deepest slumbers. Would I sign with her? Would I?

So now I’m absolutely floating. I dare to dream and all that stuff. But it gets better.

Within a week, Lisa Findlay gets in touch. She loves the book, has some suggested changes, but would love to sign me at Random House. Me? Me! Okay, after I get up off the floor, and call my husband who seems to only be able to say, “You’re kidding. You’re kidding,” I immediately contact Jennifer to deliver the amazing news.

So both of my pursuits for an amazing editor and an amazing agent were successful, and within a week of each other. Pinch me!

And sign up for conferences. Lots of conferences.

Workshops for Girl Scouts

You might have noticed that I’ve just added a page to this site called FOR GIRL SCOUTS. Well, maybe now you’ve noticed…

Since I’m not only an author, but also a Girl Scout leader, like most leaders I’m always looking for cool things for my scouts to do.  Over the many years I can’t tell you how many zany trips I’ve taken. Like the time we spent a weekend at a dairy farm in Amish country, and the cows kept us up with their all-night mooing. Or that memorable camping trip during a tornado. Not kidding. Or the time we weekended in NYC, and our troop spent all its cookie money on fake purses and fortune telling and shish-kabob at this amazing street fair. Good times!  And this spring I’m taking my troop to London for the most memorable trip ever.

Yeah, scouts gives girls an opportunity to do things they probably never would have done (though camping in a tornado was not on the top of anyone’s list).  Now I’m offering scouts an opportunity to hang out with me to earn their Reading IPP.

My special workshop, called “So What’s the Story?”, has participants earning their Reading IPP in just 2 hours. It’s a cool, fast-paced event perfect for scouts working toward their Gold Award or Silver Award, and for bridging Juniors.  The workshop includes readings, discussions, a service project, and a glimpse into the not-so-glamorous life of an author. Plus each girl gets a copy of my young adult novel WHAT I MEANT…, which I sign for them.

And you know what else is cool? Since I’ve already presented my event to hundreds of girls, and since each scout attending my workshop has donated a used book for charity, this means that hundreds of books have been given to shelters  and hospitals and other needy organizations. Yeah!

So, if you live in NJ, PA, DE, and parts of NY, MD and VA, contact me, and I could be coming to your group! If you’d like more details, just click on the FOR GIRL SCOUTS page.

And, to all you Girl Scouts out there, past and present… I’d love to hear your own zany scout tales.  Come on, tell!  What were some of your craziest Girl Scout trips and experiences?  Grab your sit-upon and a ’smore and cozy up to the fire, or perhaps your laptop, and share them here with a comment to this post!

Book Review: Sleeping Freshman Never Lie, by David Lubar

Lubar's YA novel is funny, touching and true

There are certain times in your life when you know that everything is going to change. You feel disoriented, exhausted, anxious, but also excited. In Sleeping Freshman Never Lie, author David Lubar captures this feeling perfectly.

When Scott enters his freshman year of high school, he knows things are going to be different, but still it’s a shock. He goes from being average sized in middle school to feeling like a dwarf among the high school upperclassmen. His friends go off in different directions. And the girl he was friends with in elementary school has suddenly become hot…and has forgotten him completely. This is a fantastic book with real heart and laugh out loud humor. I loved navigating the halls with Scott, and going along for the ride as he tried to figure out who his friends really were, what truly mattered to him, and if he would EVER get enough sleep ever again.

Readers of My Most Excellent Year will enjoy this book, because Lubar also creates a touching story and reminds us of just how adventurous and magical a life in constant flux truly is.

Don’t miss this one!

Book Review: Suck it Up by Brian Meehl

Suck it Up offers a witty twist

Like a lot of readers, I’m a little “vampired out” these days. But when I read the jacket copy of SUCK IT UP, I was hooked.  This book promised to be funny and clever and different.  I’m happy to report it totally delivered.

Morning McCobb has the misfortune to have become immortal at one of the most awkward times in a person’s life…that acne prone insecure and awkward part of his adolescence.  And he’s frozen there forever. Yeah, I liked him instantly.  When he becomes the poster-child for the vampire community, which wants to present a kinder gentler image to the world, you can just imagine the ridiculous moments that will come. Well, actually you can’t. And that is part of the fun of this book. It’s unpredictable, and well-written, and so entertaining.

This book isn’t broody and angsty, instead, think of it like the soy-based blood substitute that peaceful Morning McCobb drinks every day: Blood Lite.

Book Review: “Shug” by Jenny Han

Sometimes you’ll read a book that will choke you up. Rarely will I read a book that makes me flat out bawl…in a good way. Shug by Jenny Han (Alladin Mix, 2007), is one such book, and it has instantly become one of my favorite tween YA novels.  Han grabs you immediately with Shug’s authentic voice and sharp point of view.

The novel  is all about the way things change once you enter middle school, whether you are ready or not.  It starts in summer just before school starts, and already things are different. For one thing, Shug is suddenly seeing her best friend in a different and romantic light, but he doesn’t notice at all.  And then there is the whole friend thing. What do you do when your other best friend (who is a girl) suddenly befriends some popular girls, and gets a boyfriend? Where do you fit in then?  And how do you be a good person when you are sitting at the lunch table with this popular crowd, barely hanging onto the right to sit there, and another girl, who used to be your friend but also makes the popular’s eyes roll, walks by, and obviously has no one to sit with?  Do you commit social suicide and invite her, or do you avert your eyes and shut up?

Shug, by Jenny Han

Oh how well I remember those painful moments.  Shug experiences the guilt and the sadness of being on both sides of the story.  She finds herself being part of the crowd that is nasty, as well as being shunned by the nasty crowd. We’ve all experienced both sides, and at some point we all have to decide just who are we? What do we stand for? What is really important? And can we ever forgive ourselves or others for being such horrible jerks?

If you are going into middle school, read this book. If you’ve ever been through middle school, read this book.  And love this book.  It is unforgettable.

New Book Fest at Chestnut Hill!

Chestnut Hill, PA is on the outskirts of Philly…close enough to have an urban feel, with hip shops, restaurants, and a vibe of culture…far enough that it has massive leafy trees and truly incredible homes.  Seriously, they are stone castles.  The people of Chestnut Hill are also urban hip.  So when this town decides to throw its first book fair, you know it’s going to smoke!

The first ever Chestnut Hill Book Fair will kick off on Friday, July 10, and continue through Saturday and Sunday, July 11 and 12.  There will be panel discussions, activities, readings and book signings.  For the kiddies there are plenty of picture book authors doing their stuff, along with performances, and a green eggs and ham brunch!  I’m so proud to be a part of it. I’ll be there on Saturday and Sunday.

Saturday, July 11, from 2-4 p.m., visitors can catch me at the lovely Robertson’s Flowers, 8501 Germantown Ave in Chestnut Hill.  I’ll be hanging out, doing a reading,  and happy to chat about writing, my novel, life in general.  And I’ll be signing copies of my young adult novel What I Meant… Since part of my novel takes place in Philly, and in Doylestown, a suburb not too far away, I’m sure I’ll feel right at home. P.S.: It’s free!

On Sunday the 12th, from 2:30-4 p.m., I’ll be in the Bombay Room at the Chestnut Hill Hotel (8229 Germantown Ave, Chestnut Hill) on a panel talking about “Tips for Marketing Your Book.”  Among the other panelists who will be there is fellow Philly Liar’s Club author Kelly Simmons (who wrote the wonderful novel  StandingStill).  We’ll share how you can get your book noticed, revealing some unorthodox but completely doable ideas of our own. The panel is one of several aspiring writer workshops being sponsored throughout the weekend by Philadelphia Stories, a magazine that publishes great fiction, poetry and art from folks in the region. Each workshop costs $10.

A bit more about the Philly Liar’s Club: we are 13 professional writers who basically lie for a living. This is one talented as well as warm bunch of authors, and I am so proud to be their newest member.  Speaking of Liars, you can also catch some of my other Liar buds throughout the festival.  On Friday evening from 8:30-10 p.m. (Magarity Ford Site, 8200 Germantown Ave), there is a 100% Liars mystery panel featuring Ed Pettit (renowned Poe scholar), Jon McGoran (aka D.H. Dublin, Freezer Burn), Dennis Tafoya (Dope Thief), Kelly Simmons (Standing Still), and Merry Jones (The Borrowed and Blue Murders).  I wish I’d written a mystery so I could sit in on that one.  Kelly Simmons will also be signing at the Borders, 8705 Germantown Ave at noon.  And another warm and wonderful Liar, paranormal novelist L.A. Banks (author of the 12 book series on Minion: A Vampire Huntress Legend) will be signing on Saturday, 11:30 a.m., at the Magarity Showroom, 8200 Germantown.

Liars aside, there are also SO many wonderful authors coming. Authors that I adore as both writers and as friends.  Here’s a sampling: Sara Shepard (Pretty Little Liars), Nancy Viau (Samantha Hansen has Rocks in her Head), Linda Wisniewski (Off Kilter), and Elizabeth Mosier (My Life as a Girl).  There is so much going on, you’ll just have to check out the book fair’s site to get it all in.

Truly, this is going to be one rocking event.

Where I’m Gonna Be When: Author Appearance Schedule

Hey gang,

Well, since I’m STILL having some website issues, and haven’t been able to update my site for like 2 months (!), I thought I could at least post my appearance schedule here. If you are nearby one of these events, come and say hey!

Marie Lamba’s Upcoming Appearances:

May 9th, morning appearance and signing with Girl Scouts in Lansdale, PA. Yeah teen scouts!

May 16th, 2-4 p.m. booksigning at The University of Pennsylvania Bookstore (Barnes and Noble), 3601 Walnut Street, Philadelphia. Coincides with alumni day…and Marie’s 25th Penn reunion.  For more info call 215-898-7595.

June 4th, 3:30-5:30 p.m., booksigning at The Summer Library Fest, held at Montgomery County-Norristown Public Library, 1001 Powell St., Norristown, PA.

June 14th, 1-5 p.m. Booksigning and chatting with 70 authors at Books in New Jersey literary festival, held at Paramus Public Library, E116 Century Road, Paramus, NJ. Sponsored by Bergen County Cooperative Library System and Paramus Public Library.

June 20th, 1-3 p.m. The fabulous Philly Liar’s Club will be throwing its second “Truth Tour” event, and you are invited. “Liars Tell the Truth about Clinton Books” is a party at Clinton Books, 33 Main St., Clinton, NJ, featuring fab giveaways, Truth or Lie games, and these Liars Club authors: Marie Lamba, Jonathan Maberry, Keith Strunk, Gregory Frost, Jon McGoran (who writes as D.H. Dublin), Dennis Tafoya and Don Lafferty. There will be laughs, mayhem, booksignings, and this party is free! You can call the bookstore at 908-735-8811 for more info or to reserve a copy of an author’s book.

July  10th-12th, time TBA, Marie will be appearing at the Chestnut Hill Book Fest, in Chestnut Hill, PA, with a bunch of her wacky Philly Liars Club author buds. There’ll be yakking and booksignings. Stay tuned for details.

July 25th, 3-5 p.m., “Liars Tell the Truth about Between Books,” the Philly Liars Club throws another wild and wooly party for independent bookstores. This time we’ll be at Between Books, 2703 Philadelphia Pike, Claymont, DE. This free party will have great giveaways, Truth or Lie games, and these wacky writers: Marie Lamba, Jonathan Maberry, Keith Strunk, Kelly Simmons, Merry Jones, Gregory Frost, Dennis Tafoya, Don Lafferty.

July 30th, 7-8 p.m., South Brunswick Public Library, 110 Kingston Lane, Monmouth Junction, NJ. Marie will be giving a special talk, sharing how she makes her books come to life, and answering questions from you. This will be followed by a book sale and signing. The event is free and open to the public. For more info call the library at 732-329-4000.

August 14th, 6-8 p.m., “Liars Tell the Truth about Aaron’s Books.”  The Philly Liars Club “Truth Tour” continues!  This time we are throwing a party for wonderful indie bookstore Aaron’s Books, 43 S. Broad St., Lititz, PA. This exciting event, which is free and open to all, will have fab giveaways, “Truth or Lie” games and mayhem/booksignings with a host of Liars Club writers: Marie Lamba, Jon McGoran (aka D.H. Dublin), Keith Strunk, Don Lafferty, Jonathan Maberry, Merry Jones, Gregory Frost, and Dennis Tafoya. The par-tay occurs during the town’s Second Friday Celebration. Contact the store for details at 717-627-1990. Don’t miss the action…

October 9th, 7:30 p.m., “Meet the Authors,” night at Indian Valley Public Library, PA. Co-hosted by the Indian Valley Chamber of Commerce and wonderful indie bookstore Harleysville Books. This free evening will include author talks and booksignings. Details, including other featured authors, coming soon.

October 18th, 1-3 p.m., Senior Scout Workshop and Booksigning, Cherry Hill, NJ.

November 7th, noon-3 p.m., The Philly Liars Club will be throwing a very special “Liars Tell the Truth about Womrath’s Bookstore” held at Womrath’s Bookstore, 12 Washington Street, Tenafly, NJ.  It’s in celebration of this store’s 60th anniversary. The festivities are free and everyone is welcome to come enjoy our “Truth or Lie” games, great giveaways, and chillin with the writers, who will be signing their books: Marie Lamba, Dennis Tafoya, Jon McGoran (aka D.H. Dublin), Ed Pettit, Keith Strunk, Gregory Frost, Jonathan Maberry, Merry Jones, Kelly Simmons, William Lashner, and Don Lafferty.

Excerpt from DRAWN, my newly completed YA novel

DRAWN, Marie's latest novel, is full of castles, ghosts and passion

DRAWN is my latest novel, just completed a month ago, and now in the hands of my wonderful agent. Thought it would be fun to share an excerpt from it with you all here…

It’s about NJ teen artist Michelle DeFreccio, who moves with her dad to England in search of a fresh start and a normal life…a life far from her past. In New Jersey she was pretty much shunned, and everyone called her family the De Freako’s. But in England everything is different. Better.  Then someone starts showing up. He appears in her artwork and invades dreams. And when Michelle finds herself intensely drawn to him, her freaky past catches up to her in a big way. Is he a stalker, a ghost or a delusion? Is she falling in love, or losing her mind? Only one thing’s for sure: nothing will ever be normal again.

an excerpt from
Drawn
a young adult novel
by Marie Lamba

Back in the courtyard, a group of tourists, probably Americans judging by their baggy jeans and baseball caps, waits by the sign announcing the next guided tour.

Roger takes off his feathered hat and runs his fingers through his hair. “That’s my cue.” He suddenly looks very tired.

“Mrs. Reilly is right,” I say. “You need some rest. And some food.”

“And you need to mind your business,” he snaps.

I should be mad, but instead I find myself worried. “You okay?”

“Just go find this guy, but don’t let him bother you, got that? If you see him, come find me. I’ll be here in the courtyard or in the first set of castle apartments nearest to the dungeon.”

I nod.

“Good.” He sets his hat on his head, takes a deep breath, then strides over to the tourists and says in a cheery voice, “Hi-ho! Welcome one and all to Blanchley Castle where history comes alive.”

I go into the castle building, wandering through some winding passageways, pushing past clusters of tourists crowding the halls until I finally recognize the steps heading up to the main hall where the Academy hosted the dinner. If I retrace my steps from that night, maybe I’ll locate that upper room where I first saw Christopher.

I find the main hall is empty and quiet. There is no lit fire in the fireplace now, and a simple, brightly painted shield has replaced the bear head over the mantle. Daylight spills into the room through the row of stained glass windows along the opposite wall, covering the rough floor in bits of colored light. There is one raised table at the back wall with a few tall chairs, and in the middle of the room is a single long wooden table, with benches along its sides.

I turn and bump into someone.

It’s Christopher. His glow-stick eyes are wide.

There’s a moment of tense silence.

“Leave me alone!” we both say.

“Me?” I say. “That’s a laugh. You’re the one following me.”

“You deny bewitching me? Infecting my thoughts, my dreams? Be gone, witch.”

“You have serious problems, you know that? ‘Be gone, witch?’ Who talks like that? And look at you? I don’t even think you work at this castle. I think you just dress like this to get your jollies or something.”

He briefly looks down at his green tunic, which is worn belted over a white linen shirt, and at his knee-high leather boots. “It is you who dress for jolly sake,” he says. He strides around me, studying my jeans, sneakers and jacket. “Bedecked in such harlotry. Showing yourself not a fine lady in the least, but as the witch you really are.” He grabs my arm and pulls me close. “You are the one who is not of this castle. No one knows of a Michelle from Jersey. Not one soul swapping the latest news in the castle courtyard has heard of you.” He shakes my arm. “Either you are merely sent to undo me, or you plot about things far worse, far more traitorous. Fool that I am, I had thought you were the one who would …”

We are very close now. His eyes are intense, yet sad. I am all too aware of his fingers wrapped around my arm. Of his face bent toward me. Of his auburn hair falling over his forehead. Of his soft full lips. I again feel myself drawn powerfully to him. Feel my breath catch as his grip loosens and his hand slides up my arm. This is crazy.

I force myself to step back. “Y-you’re crazy. Stay away from me, or I’ll tell the police or the Bobbies or whatever the hell you people call them.”

He seems stunned.

I run from the hall and down the steps leading back toward the courtyard.

“Michelle, I found him.” It’s Roger, striding up the steps, his hat in his hands. “That crazy bloke. You won’t believe it.” He takes my hand and pulls me downstairs. “Come on. I’ll show you before my next tour.”

“But I found him. He’s upstairs, right now.”

Roger draws his brows together, races past me up the steps and into the hall. I scramble to follow.

I find Roger, hands on hips, surveying the hall. A room that is suddenly filled with ordinary tourists. No sign of Christopher. I notice that the bear’s head is somehow again over the mantle. I look around wildly. In front of the windows are now suits of armor standing at attention – armor that definitely wasn’t there a few moments ago.

“So? Where is he?” Roger says.

“I-I don’t understand. He was standing right…” How could all the tourists possibly get in here so fast?  “I must have been mistaken,” I say, my voice shaky.

“Well, I’m not. Follow me.”  He leads me out of the hall, down the stairs, through the courtyard where a fresh cluster of tourists is waiting by the sign for the next castle tour, and into another doorway.  “I told you he looked familiar. I was leading the last tour when I spotted him,” he says, as we go down a dark corridor lit with electric lights that are made to look like torches hanging from the walls. He turns left into a large arched entry, which opens into a long, richly furnished sitting room. I remember seeing this room on the night of the dinner. There are paintings on the walls, lush Persian carpets on the floors, and worn, overstuffed sofas arranged around ornately carved low tables.  Roger says, “I was taking the group through this wing, describing all the Victorian era additions, and I was just launching into an apology about the Earl’s missing Mating Chair, when I saw this.”

Roger points to an empty spot in the corner of the room now occupied by a little sign that reads “Exhibit Temporarily Removed.”  I notice the wall behind it, and I gasp.

There, in a large gilt frame is an oil painting. It’s Christopher, complete with his long brown hair, his light eyes seemingly on fire. His bear pin gleams on his cape. The artist’s technique is crude, the paint thickly applied and cracking, but Christopher’s intense look is accurately captured.

I step closer. Read the plaque beneath the painting. “Christopher Newman of Watley Manor, circa 1460.”  My knees tremble. My hands start to shake.

“What’s the matter?” Roger says. “You look like you’ve seen a – ”

“Don’t,” I say in barely a whisper. Now my lips are trembling, tears are streaming down my cheeks. I back away from the painting.

“Michelle? What is it?”

I can’t speak. Can only shake my head over and over again. And run.

I run through the bright castle courtyard, tears blurring the daylight into a rainbow of colors. I slam into a man taking a picture of his wife and kids beside the Instruments of Torture sign, and murmur an apology as I make my way past them and through the arched gateway.  My shaky legs somehow take me down the path to the visitor’s lot, where I fumble with the lock on Mary’s bike.

Then I ride, my legs pumping hard, as if I can outride what I now know is happening to me. Wasn’t my brother, Wayne, around my age when he started mumbling in class? When he got that crazed look and said, “They are talking to me. I’m just answering”? But he could never explain whom he’d answered. My mom had an explanation: he had the psychic gift. The doctor had another explanation: schizophrenia.

I’m soaring along the road that passes St. Paul’s Church. The wind whips at my face.

“Shelly honey,” my mom had said to me, “you got the gift.”

By the church’s roofed gateway, I squeeze the hand brakes and throw the bike down. I drag myself through the graveyard, stumbling on bits of broken gravestones. I find myself at that tomb, wiping my cheeks and nose with the back of my hand. There is his figure. Christopher Newman of Watley Manor. I wonder if Wayne’s delusions seem as real to him as this one does. I pant as if I can’t breathe. As if I’m being buried alive. I sink to my knees, rest my forehead against the cold stone monument, and whisper, “No.”

Zoe and Chloe on the Prowl: Book Review

I have to admit, I almost didn’t pick up this book. It was the cover. No offence to the artist involved, but this book’s cover just screams bubblegum teeny bopper…in fact, it has two girls surrounded by balloons, blowing bubble gum. THEN I saw the author’s name: Sue Limb. And I knew I had to pick it up and read it and love it.

The book is Zoe and Chloe on the Prowl (Viking, 2008), and the author, Sue Limb, is one of the funniest young adult authors I’ve ever read. If you’ve never read anything by her before, then you’re in for a treat. She’s British, and has a sharp tongue, and her books have the added benefit of being clean, meaning any teacher or librarian can recommend her titles to any tween or teen with confidence. Best of all, she will make you laugh. Not grin. But LAUGH. As in OUT LOUD. As in when you should be serious and quiet, like while sitting in a doctor’s office. Or, in my daughter’s case, when you are sitting at your desk and should really be doing some assigned task instead of sneakily reading a book under your papers.

In Zoe and Chloe on the Prowl, the lead characters are trying desperately to find some “real men” to take them to the school’s Earthquake Ball. Of course, none of the infantile boys at their school will do. The solution? Why advertising, of course.  The girls set up ads all over town, not for dates, but for what seems like a respectable job. As the interviewees start to visit, and the girls pose as employers, the wackiness accelerates. Hey, you know you’re in for a hysterical ride when, right at the start of the book, you are introduced to a character named Nigel, who is actually a zit on one of the girls’ chins.  Apparently he’s prominent enough in her life to have a name.  The book is set in England, and the slang only adds to the zany tone. So read this book and try not to laugh out loud. I dare you.

And while you are at it, be sure to check out Limb’s other really hysterical young adult novels, starting with Girl, 15, Charming but Insane.Ever wondered what would happen to a girl when she stuffs her bra with zip-locks full of minestrone soup?  Well, here’s your chance to find out. All of Limb’s novels are smart, and hip, and suited for tweens through teens. Enjoy them all.

Dark Dude by Oscar Hijuelos: Book Review

Ever wish you could leave everything and everybody and just start over? Yeah, we all feel that way sometimes. In Dark Dude (Atheneum Books for Young Readers, Sept. 08), author Oscar Hijuelos takes us on a fascinating journey with blond-haired Cuban outsider Rico. When the book begins we are immersed in Rico’s New York City neighborhood, which is gritty, edgy, full of broken dreams and potential that never seems to be realized.

Rico isn’t like other kids in his neighborhood. For one thing, he looks white, unlike the rest of his Cuban family, and unlike his many neighbors. For another, he doesn’t even know how to speak Spanish. Like so many of his friends, Rico has dreams, big dreams. But unlike the others, he can’t bare to give his big dreams up. He wants to be a comic book author and to leave the danger and desperation he’s grown up with all behind for a better life.

When his buddy Gilberto actually wins big in the lottery and uses the money to attend college in Wisconsin and to buy a farm, Rico sees a possible way out. Taking his buddy Jimmy along (rescuing Jimmy, really, from a heroin addiction), Rico leaves his family behind, running away to Wisconsin to join Gilberto and grab onto the promise of a better life.

Hijuelos quickly grabs you with Rico’s voice and heart. That, combined with non-stop tension and unusual circumstances that keep popping up along the way, will have readers flipping pages to see what will become of this ”Dark Dude” and his dreams. I really enjoyed the novel and recommend it highly to anyone looking for an unusual journey of the heart and mind. One thing that had me a bit off-balance was the way the book seemed to be portrayed in the here and now, even though it clearly wasn’t. By that I mean it seems as if the narrative deliberately avoided saying it was the 1960s, when most writers would establish that right away. I think this may have been conciously done to hook teen readers who are most interested in the present day stories of their peers, and therefore, felt a tad bit manipulative and disorienting to me. The other thing that kept jumping out at me was the use of the “F” word, sort of. I think if you are going to use it, you should use it. But continually saying things like, literally, “mother F–er” and “F–ing crazy” (using dashes instead of all the letters of this word) was a bit bizarre. Again, I suspect it was cleaned up to meet the requirements of the young adult marketplace (especially regarding schools and libraries). Hey, I could be wrong.  Anyway, it was distracting.

But these quirks aside, I felt Dark Dude was original and engaging and wholely worthwhile. So check it out!